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10. The Lion King Kong

9. Django Undead

8. Kramer vs. Kramer vs. Predator

7. Mummy Dearest

6. The Werewolf of Wall Street

5. Jack Creature: Never Go Back

4. Hunchback Mountain

3. The Thing and I

2. My Bigfoot Greek Wedding

1. What About Blob?

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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First, they came for my appetite, and I said nothing.

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10. Schrödinger’s cat walks into a bar, and doesn’t.

3. Never trust an atom, because they make up everything.

2. The Theory of Relativity says time moves more slowly when you’re with your relatives.

1. They say one day the universe will implode — no matter!

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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9. I didn’t pay my syntax, so I got a poorly constructed prison sentence.

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8. I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks – which was way too literal for me!

6. If I had a dollar for every time I leave something unfinished,

5. There’s a fine line between hyphenated words.

4. Sometimes I use phrases that I don’t understand, and vice versa.

3. I seek eloquence, but I’d be satisfied with coherence.

1. If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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10. Ball the President’s Men

9. Barbara’s Bush

8. Politically Erect

7. Pussy-Graber-in-Chief

6. The Devil in Miss Conway

5. Filibuster Cherry

4. Nazi-jism

3. Nailin’ Palin

2. Cruzin’

1. Deep Pockets

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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10. Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine.

9. I for one — but that’s Roman numerals for you!

8. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician, who finally worked it out with a pencil?

7. I was quite young when I learned to count, and it was odd at first, even then.

6. When my math teacher told me I was average, I said, “That’s just mean.”

5. I’ll stop at nothing to avoid using negative numbers.

4. If I ever get taken in for questioning, I hope there’s no calculus.

2. A farmer saw that he had 37 cows in his field, but when he rounded them up, he had 40.

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1. Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a registered six offender.

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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9. I won’t say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner.

7. My physics teacher told me I had a lot of potential, just before he pushed me off the roof.

6. When my math teacher asked me if I understood inequalities, I answered, “More or less.”

5. It’s Groundhog Day, but enough about the school lunch menu.

4. The only thing more dangerous than grizzly bears in our schools is Betsy DeVos.

3. When I went to college, my parents threw a going-away party for me, according to their letter.

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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10. Alt-Right Guard

9. Goebbels ’n Bits

8. White-In Liquid Paper

7. Grey Goose Step Vodka

6. Invading Poland Spring Water

5. Death Campfire Marshmallows

4. MixMaster Race

3. K-K-K-Y Jelly

2. Eva Brawny Towels

1. Reich Krispies

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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10. In Cold Bloodhound

9. Slaughterhouse Canine

8. The Bitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

7. The Hound and the Fury

6. Jane Airedale

5. The Picture of Dorian Greyhound

4. Barkness at Noon

3. The Great Dane Gatsby

2. Love In the Time of Collie

1. The Adventures of Huckleberry Hound

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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10. Preventing childhood obesity is as easy as taking candy from a baby.

9. I don’t know why all the kids call me Quasimodo, but I have a hunch.

8. If I could have dinner with any person living or dead, I’d pick the living one.

7. I have kleptomania, but when it gets really bad, I take something for it.

6. I had to cancel my appointment with the impotency clinic, because something came up.

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4. Diarrhea must be hereditary, since it runs in your genes.

3. If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

2. My granddad had the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the Philadelphia Zoo.

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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10. You eat your cereal with a fork, to save on milk.

9. You can’t even afford to pay attention!

6. You attend communion, then go back for seconds.

5. At KFC, you lick other people’s fingers.

4. You’ve completely worn out your couch cushions, hunting for loose change.

3. You recently received a Care package from Ethiopia.

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10. The Seven Year Bitch

9. Experiment In Terrier

8. Dog On A Hot Tin Roof

7. Saturday Night Retriever

6. Annie Get Your Gun (Fido Has Rabies)

5. Hello, Collie!

4. Jesus Christ, Pooper-Scooper Star

3. Corgi and Bess

2. The Bark of Mormon

1. Death of a Mailman

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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10. “It’s so hot, Bill Cosby says he kinda wishes he’d been thrown in the ‘cooler’.”

9. “It’s so hot, today I fried an egg…at room temperature.”

7. “It’s so hot, I have a brand on my stomach shaped like a seat belt buckle.”

5. “It’s so hot, I ran into a burning building, just to cool off.”

2. “It’s so hot, two hobbits just walked by and threw a ring in through my window.”

Bob Sullivan’s Top Ten Everything appears every Monday.

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